"But you know, happiness can be found even in the darkes of times; when one remembers to turn on a light" - Albus Dumbledore; NAME'S KAYLA! Tats, artist, traveller, tea drinker and book reader. Proud Chilean and Australian
It’s a dream but it’s a nightmare. It’s not a choice but a decree. It’s a cry for help and a helping hand. It’s your friend and your worst enemy. It’s a love and hate relationship with yourself and no one wins and everyone loses. It’s not a war but a battle nonetheless. On days when you show your smile and your highest confidence, are the days you cry yourself to sleep. It’s something so trivial to the rest but to you, it’s normal, and not only is it normal but it feels like home. Those nights where you think your most terrible thoughts and you push yourself to do the unthinkable, those are the nights that stick with you for a life time. Those are the nights you remember every time you look down at your memory stricken body. Your body that shows all your efforts, your torments, your fears, your insecurities; each of your bullies. But the beauty behind it, is the fact that your body, scar ridden, shows who you are. It shows all your vulnerabilities and your true self in its rawest form.
For some, they dismiss you, but I see you. I see you when I wake and before I sleep. I feel you in my dreams and thoughts and most of all, I feel you when I touch. Because it is not me who touches but the other. It’s not me who feels pain, but the other. It’s not me who feels insecure and lonely, but the other. The other who loses and drags me down with them. The other who holds my body captive and claims it as it’s own.
I am no longer in control, but then again, was I ever?